That's Life, I Guess.

You want to know a secret? I regret a lot of things. I regret the way I have treated some of my friends. I regret the lies I have told my parents. I regret not spending more time with my little sister, because like my mom says, "she's my only one". I need a change, and Vancouver, BC will be it...but every now and then I get a racing feeling in my chest as I realize that as my departure date races closer, I'm running out of time to fix these things I've fucked up. I want my family to know how much I love them. I want everything to be squared away before I leave. I want to have confidence in the structural integrity of these last 18 years, because hell, I'm going to build the rest of my life on em, and that shit can be pretty heavy.

What I am feeling now is similar to that sense of panic you get when the bell is about to ring but you're not even close to done with the test. Your palms get sweaty, your temperature rises...but worst of all your efficiency goes down. In this state of alarm, you start getting more problems wrong. My unease is making it harder, not easier, for me to be close to the ones that mean the most to me.

I wonder if I'm the only one who thinks these kind of things. I doubt it. I guess that's pretty comforting.

Can't sleep, now. Honest writing is painful, but it must be done! Try it sometime!

On another note, PLEASE read The Perks of Being A Wallflower. More on this book later....for now, I just can just suggest that you read it.